alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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