At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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