Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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