I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i think i have herpe
just one?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
