Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
