are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
