Your mouth is God's brothel.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
