I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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