For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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