Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
