just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
