I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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