My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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