Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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