Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
