she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
