I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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