I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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