don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Randomize
