so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
