I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
