she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
