He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
