Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
