think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
