I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
