I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
