Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
