Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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