I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Sorry about my life...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
