Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
