we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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