aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
