I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
