what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
