I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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