jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
