It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I touched a dick in church today
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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