my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
