Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm like, not good at living.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
