I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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