Well apparently he's into motor boating.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
