You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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