Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
