We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
