o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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