he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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