Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
