don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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