I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
