When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We need to feng shui this bitch.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
