You work out of a Hotel?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
