she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
